We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
