with your own penis?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
