Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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