I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
