sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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