Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
