Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
