I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
