Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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