hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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