dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
