Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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