it was like eating out sand paper
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
where are my eyebrows?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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