she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
