guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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