Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
