Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
