I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
