You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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