Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My vagina is officially offended.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
