she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
