Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
