I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
