You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish there were birth control emojis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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