am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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