I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
