matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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