I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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