the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
