i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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