I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
