Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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