Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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