This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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