Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
