I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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