she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
