I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
