I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
