I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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