we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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