Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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