Christians are straight up FREAKS
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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