Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
