He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize