Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
