Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
