Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
