All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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