I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
