you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
God I need to hump something, right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
