WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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