Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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