2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
false alarm, still single
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