Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
