Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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