hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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