Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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