once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
