he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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