Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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