i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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