what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize