We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
