I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
