How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish I only lived at night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
