i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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