There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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