You really coming over, don't trick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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