Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
