if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You've changed since you got that strap on
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