Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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