Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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