fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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