Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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