Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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