I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
