Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
